Visitor 06.13.2009
There’s an excitement that comes with visiting a foreign city or town. I’m able to look around and really see everything with untainted eyes. I tend to feel a longing to just up and move there, just to have a different life than the one I have now. A life that might actually be fulfilling. I figure I’d have better opportunities and I’d be more motivated to change the things in my life that need to be changed. I’d be in a city full of new experiences to be had, new people to meet. Maybe I’d open a cute little shop and be super relaxed and laid back about everything. I’d be a better mom. I’d keep my house perfectly clean with flowers in a vase on my counter every day. I’d wake up smiling and hop out of bed, throw on my tiny pre-mom jeans and go make a healthy breakfast…
Wait. I think I’ve watched too many movies.
Today, I woke up at 10am to my daughter wanting help playing Build-A-Bear on her Nintendo DSi. I played with her for an hour, then packed her a bag to go camping with her auntie and cousin for the next couple days. Her dad showed up to pick her up, I kissed her goodbye and sent them off. Then I jumped in the shower and dressed myself in a comfy shirt that doesn’t make me feel insecure, jeans, and flips. Threw on some makeup and jumped in the car to head out. I parked in the garage near the square where I spend most of my free time. I got out and walked downtown in the city I grew up in. The city I still live in to this day. Everywhere I look, I have a memory, whether good or bad. It’s like I’ve touched every single piece of this place. Right now, I’m sitting in my favorite coffee shop in a big, comfy, brown, leather chair. The doors and windows are all open and the breeze is blowing in at a perfect temperature and speed. I can see the playground in the park from where I’m sitting with kids crawling all over it. There’s upbeat music playing and I’ve just devoured a decaf iced mocha and a muffin while writing this. I’m looking around, trying to see my surroundings as a visitor. Pretending that I have this strong desire to up and move here because it’s so exciting. I feel peaceful. Lucky. Content. All in this usually blurred (cause I’m in a hurry), typical (cause it’s so routine), stressful (cause I’m human) city that I grew up in.
Of course, I’d still love to make a huge change and move away to a new city some day (we only live once!), but until that’s possible, I’ll try to sit back and enjoy the way I can predict the traffic flow on any given day, or the smell of the staircase when leaving my apartment complex, or the buildings I’ll pass on my way to work. I’ll try to improve what I can improve and find a way to accept what is out of my control. I want to live my life as if I’m finally getting the chance I’ve been waiting for.
Now I’m off to go shoot some photos of a special friend of mine, simply because I want to.
