And that’s saying a LOT coming from me.
Having been raised in the belief that technology quite possibly means the end of the world, I had to battle some pretty heavy anxiety through the years. During my freshman year of high school, we were shown a movie of a woman who was “left behind” during the rapture, being hunted down to receive the mark of the beast, but after refusing, was decapitated. I had a class my senior year that was devoted to analyzing the current state of our world and applying it to the book of Revelations. One student would stand up each week in class and read an article they found that pointed to the end times. I often wonder what impact my school could’ve made, had they put their energy into teaching love and acceptance, rather than this bullsh!%. Back at home, on the rare chance I overheard the news on TV (which I avoided at all costs), something would be mentioned to send me into a panic. New micro-chips being developed that are small enough to fit under your skin! — That one always got me. All these things, along with the local mega-church presenting a play titled “To Hell and Back” in which they performed their version of what hell would be like. You know, people on stretchers screaming as their limbs are being pulled in all directions?! Interesting, they didn’t even touch on what heaven would be like for those “chosen”. I came away with such a dark feeling towards that place.
It’s been freeing – to say the least – letting go of all of this. We have no sure answer. Hell could simply be a term used to describe the life you’ll be living if you do this or that. I know I’ve lived in my own version of hell from time to time.
Death has had me in a sweaty panic many a times as well. For a long time – whether death meant going to heaven, hell, or neither – I’d end up in a pile of tears, taking deep breaths, trying to pull myself back to reality. After years of this, I’ve finally come to accept that there’s nothing I can do about it! Many, many years have passed. Generations upon generations of human beings, all born from their mothers and eventually dying after living their version of life, has finally become a beautiful thing to me.
I guess I just wanted to say this with confidence: I don’t want to be a part of a belief system that scares or guilt-trips anyone into acting a certain way. I want to freely and peacefully live. I don’t belong to a religious group and I have no title for myself. If I strive to do good and love those around me, I truly believe I’m doing the right thing. Why would I be punished for living this way?
And technology. Praise GOD for the convenience of making a check deposit from my iphone while having dinner with friends. Thank baby Jesus I can watch Talladega Nights or a couple episodes of The Office while in line at the DMV. On a serious note, I truly am thankful for the blessing of talking to my sister face-to-face in England despite our 8 hour time change.
Bring it on, micro-chips!
• • • • • • • • • •
I’d like to conclude by saying that none of this is a reflection on my parents. This all comes directly from the organized churches and schools I was a part of when growing up. On the contrary, my parent’s lives were devoted to helping people and being accepting of anyone, no matter their past or present circumstances.I don’t blame them at all. I actually believe my parents are the reason I have the courage to question these topics. They raised me in what they believe to be the truth and I’ve learned a lot about how to be a good person because of that. Despite our differences, they love and accept me.
